Part 2: How to Prepare for the Holidays with Frustrating Family Dynamics
By Silvia A. Brett, Esq., Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator, and Dr. Rebecca Tuttle, Psy.D.
Preparing for the holidays is a lot like preparing legal documents: clarity and communication ahead of time can make all the difference. In my estate planning and probate practice, the clearer a document is and the more expectations are set, the less there is to argue about when the documents need to be used. Similarly, Dr. Rebecca Tuttle shares that as a clinical psychologist in her private practice, she recommends to her clients that setting expectations and talking about what we need (before we need it) is crucial when it comes to navigating the holidays.
Below are some steps you could take that may help you to better prepare for family dynamics during the holidays.
Make a Plan with Those Closest to You
Before the holidays arrive, consider discussing plans and expectations with the people closest to you. This includes but is not limited to deciding:
What events you’ll attend;
Who you’ll spend your time with; and
What conversations you’re open to engaging in
Dr. Tuttle points out that setting these expectations ahead of time helps prevent confusion, resentment, or emotional overload in the moment.
Build an “Exit Strategy” for Yourself
Even the most loving families can have stressful moments. Planning breaks or “escape routes” can be a lifesaver. Identify a quiet space in the house, or even give yourself permission to step outside or “take a call” when you need a moment.
The key is: use this time to soothe yourself and reset, not to stew on what just happened. A few deep breaths, a funny video, or simply listening to the sounds around you can help you feel calmer and more grounded.
Meet Your Basic Needs
The holidays often tempt us to ignore the basics: sleep, hydration, nutritious food, and movement. These aren’t indulgences—they’re the foundation of emotional resilience and those needs must be met in order to function.
Focus on Connection
Although the holidays can be challenging, they are all about connection. Try not to bring up difficult or divisive conversations, and - instead - try to focus on shared values to strengthen bonds.
An admittedly difficult topic that often comes up during the holidays is estate planning. If this topic comes up, consider suggesting that a family should plan for the future like they plan for the holidays: thoughtfully and ahead of time.
Focusing on connection is also useful when approaching delicate conversations like estate planning. Often, the fear surrounding estate planning is more painful than the conversation itself. It helps to:
Lead by example;
Frame the conversation not as “preparing for death,” but rather as taking a responsible step for the family’s sake; and
Reminding family that if we don’t decide, decisions will eventually be made for us. Planning ensures your choices (not default laws) guide your family.
If you need to raise a difficult topic during the holidays, offer a gentle heads-up instead of surprising someone with it at the dinner table. A simple, “When you have a moment later this week, I’d love to talk about something important,” gives people emotional room to engage.
We’ll explore more communication do’s and don’ts in our next post, but in the meantime these small steps can go a long way.
About Silvia A. Brett, Esq.:
Silvia A. Brett, Esq. is an attorney, mediator, and owner of Brett Legal, PLLC. She focuses on estate planning and probate and is a Florida Supreme Court Circuit Civil Certified mediator. Brett Legal, PLLC is a law firm based in St. Petersburg, Florida and handling Probate and Estate planning throughout the state of Florida. Click here for more information.
About Dr. Rebecca Tuttle:
Dr. Rebecca Tuttle is a licensed clinical psychologist with a doctorate in Clinical Psychology (Psy.D.) and owner of Tuttle Psychology. Tuttle Psychology is based in Jacksonville, Florida. Dr. Tuttle is licensed in the states of Florida and Colorado and is authorized to practice interjurisdictional psychology in all PSYPACT states via telehealth. She is trained in Gottman Method for Couples Therapy (Level 3). Click here to contact Dr. Rebecca Tuttle.
Disclaimer: The information in this post is intended for general educational and informational purposes only and is not a suitable substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional.
Additionally, the information provided on this blog is not intended to be legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship. The content may not reflect the most current legal developments, and it is not guaranteed to be complete or up-to-date. The information on this blog should not be taken as legal advice for any specific case or situation. You should not act or refrain from acting based on any content included in this blog without seeking the appropriate legal advice on the particular facts and circumstances at issue from a professional licensed in your jurisdiction. The author expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any or all the contents of this blog. If you have any of the topics discussed herein, you should contact the appropriate legal, medical, psychological or other applicable professional.
