Part 1: Why the Holidays Trigger Conflict

By Silvia A. Brett, Esq., Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator, and Dr. Rebecca Tuttle, Psy.D.

“Conflict is inevitable, no matter how healthy or close a relationship is. The real measure of a strong relationship isn’t whether conflict happens, but how you approach it and how you repair from conflict.” Dr. Rebecca Tuttle

As we head into the holidays, that truth becomes especially important. The season is supposed to be joyful and full of connection, but it also comes with unique pressures that can make it a fertile ground for tension and misunderstandings.

WHY IS THERE CONFLICT TO BEGIN WITH?

Each of us is unique—shaped by our experiences, our personalities, and even the examples of conflict we grew up watching. Very few people ever take a class on conflict resolution. Most of what we know about navigating disagreements comes from what was modeled by parents, or what we’ve absorbed through television, culture, and observation.

That means we often enter adulthood—and the holiday season—with very different approaches to communication and problem-solving. When these styles collide, it’s easy for even small misunderstandings to feel big.

But conflict isn’t the enemy. When we have effective conflict management skills, we can bounce back from disagreements instead of letting them fester. The key is awareness, intention, and skill-building.

SO, WHY DO THE HOLIDAYS AMPLIFY TENSION?

The holidays are supposed to be the most joyful time of the year—but they also come with a unique set of pressures that make them a perfect storm for conflict.

Increased family contact – Many of us spend more concentrated time with relatives during the holidays than at any other time of year. Close quarters can amplify old tensions or unspoken frustrations.

Expectations and traditions – Generational habits and “the way we’ve always done it” can clash with new perspectives or lifestyles, creating friction.

Financial pressures and packed schedules – Gift-giving, travel, and juggling multiple obligations add stress and fatigue.

Alcohol, lack of sleep, and emotional overload – These lower our emotional resilience and make reactivity more likely.

Competing needs – During the holidays, everyone’s needs—for attention, privacy, and rest—are high, but resources are limited. Competing priorities naturally create friction.

Role regression – Even as adults, returning to our family home can unconsciously pull us back into old family roles, such as the “baby,” the “peacekeeper,” the “black sheep,” or the “troublemaker.” Add parenting differences (“my house, my rules”) and it’s easy to slip into old dynamics.

Life transitions and loss – Holidays can highlight grief, divorce, or the absence of loved ones, making emotions more raw.

Comparisons and expectations – Sibling or cousin comparisons (“married vs. single,” “career success vs. struggle”) and the expectation that we should feel joyful can create inner conflict or shame.

WHY AWARENESS MATTERS

Awareness isn't meant to take the sparkle out of the holidays, it’s meant to make space for realistic joy. 

When we are aware that the holidays are a stressful time for everyone and we anticipate potential stressors, we can prepare for them, build our conflict management skills, and even make agreements with ourselves or our partners about how to navigate tricky moments.

This proactive approach can prevent small disagreements from escalating and can preserve what truly matters: the relationships themselves.

Because at the end of the day, is messing up Grandma’s recipe worth losing your connection with your sibling? Is messing up Grandma’s recipe worth your table shrinking in the years to come?  

So much of what we see with our clients in both of our practices involves people looking back with regret and wishing they’d handled things differently before relationships fractured. A lot of the time, its too late because the person has passed away or “too much damage” has been done to the relationship.With awareness, empathy, and a few new tools, you can prevent that kind of breakdown and keep your connections strong.

Some conflicts will always exist, that’s just part of being human. The key is knowing when something can be resolved versus when it simply needs to be managed with respect and understanding.

In the next part of our series we will discuss: conflict resolution versus conflict management.

About Silvia A. Brett, Esq.:

Silvia A. Brett, Esq. is an attorney, mediator, and owner of Brett Legal, PLLC. She focuses on estate planning and probate and is a Florida Supreme Court Circuit Civil Certified mediator. Brett Legal, PLLC is a law firm based in St. Petersburg, Florida and handling Probate and Estate planning throughout the state of Florida. Click here for more information.

About Dr. Rebecca Tuttle:

Dr. Rebecca Tuttle is a licensed clinical psychologist with a doctorate in Clinical Psychology (Psy.D.) and owner of Tuttle Psychology. Tuttle Psychology is based in Jacksonville, Florida. Dr. Tuttle is licensed in the states of Florida and Colorado and is authorized to practice interjurisdictional psychology in all PSYPACT states via telehealth.She is trained in Gottman Method for Couples Therapy (Level 3). Click here to contact Dr. Rebecca Tuttle.

Disclaimer: The information in this post is intended for general educational and informational purposes only and is not a suitable substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is struggling, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional. 

Additionally, the information provided on this blog is not intended to be legal advice and does not create an attorney-client relationship. The content may not reflect the most current legal developments, and it is not guaranteed to be complete or up-to-date. The information on this blog should not be taken as legal advice for any specific case or situation. You should not act or refrain from acting based on any content included in this blog without seeking the appropriate legal advice on the particular facts and circumstances at issue from a professional licensed in your jurisdiction. The author expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any or all the contents of this blog. If you have any of the topics discussed herein, you should contact the appropriate legal, medical, psychological or other applicable professional.