Navigating Grief: Part 1
Grief touches many of our lives and yet, many of us don’t understand how grieving really works. I sat down with Dr. Rebecca Tuttle, a clinical psychologist and dear friend, to talk about the “five stages of grief” and what that means for those who are navigating loss.
I often meet families during some of the most difficult moments of their lives. Handling legal matters is challenging in most circumstances but especially during a time of grieving, and the emotional weight can feel impossible. I wanted to better understand what people experience when they are grieving so that we can support them through more than just paperwork.
As Dr. Tuttle put it: “Because grief tends to stem from things outside of our control (like death), our brain tries to restore a sense of stability by relying on defense mechanisms.” Understanding the stages of grief can help us show more compassion to ourselves and others in times of grieving.
To do this, I sat down with Dr. Rebecca Tuttle, a licensed clinical psychologist, to talk about the personal side of loss and grief.
Dr. Tuttle explained that while many people have heard of the “five stages of grief,” they aren’t as straightforward as we might think. People used to think the stages of grief were linear (that they happened in a straight line, step by step). Modern research suggests it can look more like a loop; people who are grieving often move in and out of different stages, sometimes more than once.
The 5 stages of grief are:
Denial. Our brain may attempt to protect us from a painful loss by denying its existence. This stage may look like minimizing our feelings or avoiding the topic altogether.
Anger. When we're faced with a loss, it's often accompanied by tremendous emotional pain, and anger can feel like a safe (less vulnerable) way to express that pain to the outside world. This stage may look like lashing out or losing one's temper.
Bargaining. Bargaining is our brain's attempt to regain control when life feels uncontrollable. This stage may look like attempts to negotiate with the past ("if I had gotten there earlier, I could have saved her") or a higher power ("I'll do anything, just give us more time together").
Depression. Depression tends to occur when the full weight of the loss is felt. This stage may look like hopelessness, longing, or wishing things could go back to how they were.
Acceptance. We usually enter a state of acceptance once we've processed the loss, but even this stage can be transient. This stage may look like opening up to others about the loss or adjusting to life after the loss.
Some psychologists talk about a 6th stage: making meaning and finding spiritual or personal significance in the loss. This may look like maintaining a connection with the person you lost (e.g., cooking with their recipes, wearing their jewelry), perpetuating their legacy (e.g., sharing their life story, starting a scholarship fund in their memory), or finding comfort in beliefs about the afterlife.
Dr. Tuttle emphasized that there’s no “right way” to grieve. People do not move through these stages in a set order. In fact, two people grieving the same loss may experience very different emotions at different times. Sometimes people get “stuck” in a stage and in that situation (amongst others) professional support can be especially helpful.
Understanding the stages of grief is just the beginning. In our next post, we’ll talk about how you can support someone who is grieving: what to say, what not to say, and small but meaningful ways to help when things do not seem to make sense.
Sincerely,
Silvia A. Brett
About Dr. Rebecca Tuttle:
Dr. Rebecca Tuttle is a licensed clinical psychologist with a doctorate in Clinical Psychology (Psy.D.) and owner of Tuttle Psychology. She is licensed in the states of Florida and Colorado and is authorized to practice interjurisdictional psychology in all PSYPACT states via telehealth. She specializes in grief and loss support and has completed specialized trainings in depression, anxiety, and grief. Click here to contact Dr. Rebecca Tuttle.
About Brett Legal:
Brett Legal, PLLC is a law firm based in St. Petersburg, Florida and handling Probate and Estate planning throughout the state of Florida. Click here for more information.
Disclaimer: The information in this post about navigating grief and loss is intended for general educational and informational purposes only and is not a suitable substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you or someone you know is struggling with grief or related concerns, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional.
Additionally, the information provided on this blog is not intended to be legal advice. The content may not reflect the most current legal developments, and it is not guaranteed to be complete or up-to-date. The information on this blog should not be taken as legal advice for any specific case or situation. You should not act or refrain from acting based on any content included in this blog without seeking the appropriate legal advice on the particular facts and circumstances at issue from a professional licensed in your jurisdiction. The author expressly disclaims all liability with respect to actions taken or not taken based on any or all the contents of this blog. If you have any of the topics discussed herein, you should contact the appropriate legal, medical, psychological or other applicable professional.
